Forgiveness Is Tricky Business

Because sometimes, a person does something to you that shakes you so much, hurts you so much, that you don't want to think happy thoughts about the offender ever again. FORGIVE my obscurity, but I can't even mention here what it is that I am upset about, because it will remind me every time I see the words and this would shortly turn into a rant. But what I'm wondering is, how did people in the Bible forgive each other after horrible things were done to them? More specifically, how did God forgive us? Obviously the offense against me is minute by far compared to the scores of sins against God, yet he always forgives when we ask it of him. Never in my life have I felt so completely incapable of forgiveness as I do now, and when I really think about the issue, it seems like a small problem. But I suppose my life has just been so blessed for so long, that now that I am truly damaged by something, it seems like it's the end of the world. I desperately want to feel that I could never forgive said person because of what they did, but if I consider what others have to go through, my problem appears easily forgivable. Nevertheless, it is hard. I believe it is man's opinion that once you forgive, you put yourself at a disadvantage and you are weaker for it. It's disgraceful, but in my core, I really do feel that way. And I also know that personally, it's hard to forgive because I can't even IMAGINE myself doing what the other person did and be okay with it. It makes it even harder when you're called to forgive even though the person has not once asked for forgiveness. Now that I think back, I don't remember ever forgiving someone when they didn't ask for it. That is the hardest kind of forgiveness, and I'm sure many can relate. But the Bible could not be more clear about forgiveness: always do it, no matter what. A lot of people think God is asking an impossible task, myself included. But the Bible also says plenty of times that God will give you strength to do so. I guess that's the first step for me. Pray to God for strength to forgive, because sometimes it's the absolute hardest thing to do. I suppose another good thing to ask for is humility. I know for a fact that pride can get in the way of forgiveness, and pride is something I really struggle with. But then, doesn't everybody? Well, not exactly. I don't have to be one of those people that can't forgive. I can be a strong Christian. Man, I feel like I'm trying to convince myself that it's possible. But I know it is. For a long time, my mind is going to drift back to what happened, and I'll have such angst and anger against that person, but with God, all things are possible. Even this. My mind is going back to the event right now. I don't know how long it will be a struggle, but I CAN overcome it. I don't want to rant about how hard it is, but even while I type this, I still am wondering how I will do it when I have no earthly idea why that person did what they did. When I will most likely think about what they did every time I see their face. If only I had context and saw the pains other people in the world have to endure, I would forget this issue entirely. But as it is, I am unaware of the lives being lived all around this sphere we call home, and I am unaware of what people have to face. Maybe if every time I remember the event, I consider others' pain instead of my own, this agitation will fade. Maybe. But for now, I'll pray and hope that I can master this rare skill called forgiveness. Pray and hope, not hope and pray. Because prayer is the first option. Always.