The Psychology of Being Single

I'm single, and at times I loathe the situation. But on days like today, when I'm coming off a long night of getting attention from men at bars and I'm feeling good about myself, I am comfortable being single.

In my last relationship, so much of the difficulty was in my own mental awareness of being coupled up, a kind of struggle that I'm not sure was shared by my partner.

For many, having a partner is a kind of reassurance that things are okay, and I definitely benefitted from that and miss it. But there is another side of things where I feel less secure because my opinions and values feel unmoored and, whether on purpose or not, slightly manipulated by my partner.

I chose to be with this person, so in a sense that's a form of giving them permission to change my opinions, but even as it happens I am aware that I am coming to conclusions in a way that is different from how I would do it if I were by myself, and it troubles me.

I don't know how to handle this. Last time, I felt myself digging in my heels on things just because I didn't want my personal opinions and views to disappear into the ether because there was another participant in the orientation of my brain now.

Was it necessary? I don't know. Experts in fields are blind to problems because they are so specialized, so perhaps it works the same for me forming opinions and values completely on my own - they are uninformed by the experiences of others.

Could I be as outspoken if I was with someone? Maybe I would technically have their permission, but I would be less inclined to state opinions out of my own discretion.