What Person Am I?
Notice I didn't form the question, "what KIND of person am I?" because I've already decided I don't want to be a KIND of person, just another face in another category. I want to be a PERSON. But what person am I? I'd like to think I'm girly, but also a bit rugged, and silly and funny, but also serious and hard-working. I know I'm sarcastic, but am I sweet? And if I'm not, isn't that something I want to be? It'd be nice if people characterized me as 'that sweet girl' or whatever. I don't know if people even think that way about others anymore. I'm confident enough, but shy at times too. Even so, are all these things characteristics that go into making one full person? It must also be something about my values. Well, I value honesty, strong personal faith in God, kindness, a sense of humor, easygoing-ness, respect, social skills, and interest in others. Does personhood include my interests? That'll take a while! I love music, the ocean, cute things, sweet food, good hugs, eye contact, a good game of soccer, open-hearted people, simple melodies, minimalist lifestyle, and anything that's new and wholesome that I can really get into. Is that enough to make me my own person? What can make me become a person that makes others question what THEY'RE all about? And the seemingly obvious answer is to show my faith by how I live my life, and I'll stand out that way. Thing is, I know a ton of people like that already, and while it's incredibly inspiring, I still wonder, I suppose on a less serious level, what makes me me? Maybe just a good sense of humor isn't enough to describe me - I'd say I like cheesy sarcastic over-the-top kind of humor. I've not said anything about my personal style, but that's another thing about me - I refuse to allow my appearance to put me in any kind of category. Which is why I pretty much never alter my appearance much - I don't do tattoos, piercings, hair dye, plastic surgery, anything that makes me feel less me-ish. It's not like I hate tattoos or something - a lot of them are quite beautiful. But the way I see it, it'd be like putting a stamp on myself, and all I want people to read about me is that I've got a personality, not an extreme love for my dead dog or this one sentence that I think is really wise. Other than that, I don't want clothes defining me either. I don't want to be labelled; let people talk to me and judge from there. This might sound like I just keep everything bland on purpose, and I never express myself, but IN MY OPINION, there's a whole world to express myself in, and none of it has to happen on my actual body. That made clear, I still can't tell if this all constitutes for a full person. Perhaps it's the thoughts and insights I have each day that add up to make me this girl. Maybe it's the exact ratio of what I spend my time doing vs what I hardly make time for. Or it could be my personal view on every single thing in the world that, if all written down, would not be close to anyone else's views. Now, here's the real catch: how can I, without really attempting to, convince someone that I am worth talking to, giving the time of day, and spending time with, on the basis of how they feel about what I say and do, and let them discover for themselves what I am? What if I was so ME that every conversation I had with anyone made them all think, "this girl is different, she is her own person, she knows what she's about"? That would probably involve me oversharing in every conversation HAHA! Wouldn't that be just the thing! But seriously, how hard is it to acheive sincere uniqueness, without having to go all out with the hippie clothes and strange hair? Could I look the blandest out of everyone, and still be entirely unique, something they've never seen before? This is a big long question that I'd like answered, but I think it'll take myself, a lot of time, and no short response to find out.
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