You Have Bewitched Me, Body And Soul...

If you're a girl, you should know what that's from. I haven't read the book yet, as it is further down on my list of books by that author, one of which I am reading currently. My friend is obsessed with the book and movie, and she keeps reminding me of this quote, and how sweet and tender it is. This is totally spontaneous, but I'd like to admit that it is because of a BOY that I am constantly thinking about this quote.

How ridiculous. Of all my feminine tendencies, this is by far the worst one I have. I don't think I'm necessarily boy crazy, as it's one specific person, but the level of craziness is despicable on my part! This said human, to whom all my wandering thoughts turn, is a classmate of mine. And even though I could go on about all the reasons for my infatuation, I would like to address this as nothing less than a serious problem. Girls of my age SHOULD be focusing on college, grades, self-discovery, and, if religious, spiritual development. But instead I am daydreaming about a boy every waking hour. NOT in the gross/sexual way (I would just like to clarify)! And so now I am declaring a self-intervention. Or, perhaps it's God that should intervene. It's a constant struggle for me, because instead of thinking about how I can serve the Lord in the things I do daily, I'm creating imagined conversations that I would have with this certain person.

I have just recently decided for myself a personal philosophy: I will become my own woman before I become anyone else's woman. Similarly, the second part of my creed is as follows: as I am a daughter of God, I should behave at all times like a princess would. Yes it's weak, as it's backing is not in the Bible but from my own fabrication. But for a while these two rules were working for me; I worked to be polite and lady-like (almost) all the time, and I worked on finding my interests for my life. But this was all occurring just as school was about to let out for Christmas Break, and so in that time of year, these sentiments are common. Since then, not only has my general kindness declined, but also my composure when it comes to worldly distractions from what matter. I go to bed at night feeling ashamed that I did not read the Bible that day, and it saddens me every time I argue with my family, because I know I can do better and try harder. But through this all, even when I first decided on this Creed for my life, I could never handle my problem involving this boy. All he is to me is a crush. So why is it that I can't shake it like all the others? I must have daydreamed about it too much to let go of the silly thing now. I'll assume it will take a lot of work, but I need to get off of this annoying distraction. I am embarrassed to share it, but last semester I got slightly below average grades in my statistics class, but this semester I have changed classes, and am getting much higher test scores. It's strange, and I didn't notice until after a couple of tests, but I am suspecting it may have been because I was not distracted by him. 

I really shouldn't be still struggling with this childish problem. It is time for me to grow up and be my own woman, but also God's child at the same time. I just wish there were support groups for teenage crushes.