Me, My Body, and I

A woman's relationship with her body is so complex. Society sometimes can place this veil upon a beautiful woman, as if something about it is profound. The unmarked skin is sacred; the flowing hair is holy. The woman either put effort into looking that way, in which case beauty is derived in her hygiene and exercise and various labors, or she did not put in effort, in which case beauty is derived in lucky genetics. 

The former situation can be likened to art more easily than the latter. A sculptor or a painter takes raw materials and forms it into something. I can do that with my body as well. Do I then deserve credit as an artist if my appearance is beautiful as a result?

Body image can be empty, the same as art. Sometimes the art that holds the most meaning is not beautiful. But people are not viewed that way. A woman with a great personality holds no distinction for the masses.

And if you are beautiful, how can that hold meaning? Religious people will say that a woman's beauty is as important as honoring her husband is. One could argue that women can be likely more beautiful than men's honor deserves. Actresses and models carry emotion in their eyes and power in their figure that transfixes us, even as they reflect our humanity back at us and yet still seem a spectacle.

But for an ordinary woman like me, what meaning can my beauty hold? Within myself, it is the embodiment of confidence. I speak my mind more when I know those listening will look at my face. I take greater risks when I know that my figure causes others to regard me favorably. 

My own beauty, of whatever amount, allows me to play with understatement. Like many things, beauty is all about balance, not having too much of a good thing. Try too hard, and one can start to regard themselves as an object.

Beauty is a tool that can greatly help one move through society. When matched with the right behaviors, it smooths out transactions and interactions like nothing else can. So then is it a source of manipulation?

I take photos of myself every few days, partly to keep track of what I look like, but also partly as if to remind myself of the tool I am wielding on a daily basis. I have to continually memorize its strengths and weaknesses, to see just how far it can take me with other people. This is unhealthy, but it is a common behavior.

In the age of social media, contemplating our own beauty and sense of self is either constant or actively avoided by young people. We either know we are beautiful and don't know what to do about it besides show it off, or we know we are not, and we consider our appearance as a thing separate from ourselves. Every face and countenance has meaning, and though the meaning is not evenly felt or extracted, it exists all the same.