Living Adjacent to Belief

I have a few people in my life who have depression. A few who are close to me have tried over many years to convey what it feels like for them so that I can understand. Except for specific instances, I have not suffered from depression or anxiety, for which I'm very grateful. Those in my life who do have it have expressed that one of the main things that has kept them from embracing their depression in quarantine is their faith.

Living in Texas means you are surrounded by Christian culture. It's a safe assumption to make about people until they declare otherwise. I get the sense from friends and family that the belief in better things to come is a buoy that they have clung to this past quarter of a year. And I am envious of it.

I left religious belief over a year ago and have not looked back, but since then I have had more than one person explain that their own belief in God comes from their own need for a god to exist than their actual concrete belief that one in fact does. I find this hard to wrap my head around; it's like the demand for god drives the supply. And it gives thoughts a weight as though they beget the real thing.

Hearing people talk about faith as a beacon makes all the sense in the world. It's the main thing I notice about religion as an outsider. But when it is touted as the thing keeping people going, I am shocked by how much credit it gets. People are strong, women and men. They can do all kinds of things. Even those with depression. I know that belief has a profound impact on how people view life, but I believe it has less impact on how their life actually goes. Well, of course I do; I don't believe in God.

So is it God they need, or belief? Are they the same thing? I cannot differentiate from my vantage point. I am glad for their sake that they have a flotation device. In quarantine I have struggled to find my own. But belief taking on a life of its own independent of assurance in the deity that it surrounds - that's a new dimension to Christianity and other faiths that I am uncomfortable with, for a new reason. I have heard at least two people acknowledge that they seriously doubt God exists, but they go on believing in Christianity anyway. It makes me think of any movie about any entity - a company, a movement, you name it - that grew so big and got so popular that what it was started for has been completely forgotten.

Does this make me eligible for Christian life yet again? Don't worry, I wouldn't consider it for a second. Aside from my disbelief in God and my objection to certain bigoted social issues, I can get on board with much of the religion. Maybe this means God no longer goes to church.